Honestly Hank would rather be alone in this moment, but considering everything that had happened and his own lingering headache, his choices of what he was saying, where he wanted to be and what he was actually doing weren't as controlled as they could be. His reaction to Connor's touch is to lean forward even more, but he doesn't tell him to stop touching him. It's not really the android's fault.
"I know he wouldn't!" he replies, rage briefly filling him before he rubs one hand over his eyes, sniffling loudly and using his sleeve to dry it. Christ, this was pathetic. "I know that too. You told me...you..."
He stops, realizing he can't tell Connor about what happens in his future. Or maybe just his possible future. He can't tell anymore. So Hank just rambles on instead. "He wouldn't want this I know...I've just...when I saw Simon I realized I might be able to see him here. Is it too much to wish for something like that?" He looks down at his hands again.
"What would he even think seeing me like this...I'm just an old, fucking grumpy asshole of a man now."
Being an android with no real reason to wince or withdraw, Connor doesn't react to the shout physically other than a slight change to his expression, eyebrows rising in concern. He hasn't seen Hank that angry in a long time.
It makes a lot of sense now, why Hank had been driven to drink like this. Connor had been preoccupied with thoughts of different possibilities, himself, and he didn't even have any real traumas to face—the most he'd considered were threats he'd have to take down or... maybe a version of Hank that detested him. It's nowhere near both fearing and hoping to see a dead child.
"It's not 'too much' to want to see him again," Connor replies. He's venturing into territory that he can't be certain of, wanting to say things that he can't factually back up but nonetheless believes to be true.
"It's only natural. You're his father... I'm sure he would be glad to see you, regardless of all this."
He was probably right. Hank knew that Cole might be a little weirded out at first, as most kids tend to do if their father had a beard or longer hair, but he'd be able to deal with it. He just hated how he was starting to heal from that part of himself, and now this possibility was dangled in front of him.
"What about you, Connor?" He looks back at him, the sides of his eyes reddish, but the blues of his iris still piercing into the android's own. "We're partners right now, but what happens if you come from a world where we end up fighting each other on two different sides? What happens if another of you shows up? What if I disappear and another Hank shows up? Or..."
Connor meets Hanks gaze, LED flashing yellow as he processes the question. The possibilities are endless, it's true. As much as the android has thought about them, the conclusion he's come to is... there'd be nothing else to do but to deal with it as it came.
"Nothing will change the fact that you're my partner."
It's a quiet answer, almost uncertain, but there's a force of determination behind it that says at least his side of it is something he'd hold onto for as long as he could.
"Even if I turn out not to be your Connor... and even if he showed up, or if another version of you took your place here and hated me, it doesn't mean I could just... leave. You've done too much for me to just throw it all away."
There's the briefest flicker of red in the ring of light on his temple as he glances away, but the thought that remains unspoken but obvious between them passes quickly enough. He doesn't want to think about it, and he doesn't plan to.
"I'd hate it, if we were on opposite sides, but... that's something to deal with if it happens."
He's not sure what he expected in an answer, but it's a lot more than he thought Connor would answer. If he pretended, he could almost imagine that it was the same one from the CyberLife tower. He almost sounded like a deviant.
Almost.
"..."
He doesn't say much of anything after that for a few minutes, thinking to himself, or the alcohol is finally catching up to him in full. When he looks at Connor again, he seems a little more numb than usual, but doesn't look as lost as he was just a few minutes ago.
"...I think the apple cider might be good about now."
He doesn't attempt to break the silence, instead deciding to take the opportunity to slowly readjust the blankets around Hank to a satisfactory arrangement, a neutral expression on his face. Their eyes meet when Hank finally speaks again, and the sheet Connor is currently holding onto settles over the top of the lieutenant's head, just to be sure his vitals are getting the warmth they need.
He gives the man a weak smile before getting to his feet. Whether it's meant to comfort Hank or reassure Connor himself is another matter.
"I'll only be a few minutes," he says, and he only pauses briefly before turning and exiting the room.
"...Sure," he replies a bit after Connor has left, after having wrapped him in what could just be easily considered a blanket burrito at this point. He wanted to call him back in and tell him that he had pulled too tight, but in the end just gave up, and threw himself backwards into the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
What shitty life choices had lead him to drink, get turned into a living ice cub, then let out his grievances at an android who had a perfect memory and would not forget what he told him anytime soon.
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"I know he wouldn't!" he replies, rage briefly filling him before he rubs one hand over his eyes, sniffling loudly and using his sleeve to dry it. Christ, this was pathetic. "I know that too. You told me...you..."
He stops, realizing he can't tell Connor about what happens in his future. Or maybe just his possible future. He can't tell anymore. So Hank just rambles on instead. "He wouldn't want this I know...I've just...when I saw Simon I realized I might be able to see him here. Is it too much to wish for something like that?" He looks down at his hands again.
"What would he even think seeing me like this...I'm just an old, fucking grumpy asshole of a man now."
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It makes a lot of sense now, why Hank had been driven to drink like this. Connor had been preoccupied with thoughts of different possibilities, himself, and he didn't even have any real traumas to face—the most he'd considered were threats he'd have to take down or... maybe a version of Hank that detested him. It's nowhere near both fearing and hoping to see a dead child.
"It's not 'too much' to want to see him again," Connor replies. He's venturing into territory that he can't be certain of, wanting to say things that he can't factually back up but nonetheless believes to be true.
"It's only natural. You're his father... I'm sure he would be glad to see you, regardless of all this."
no subject
He was probably right. Hank knew that Cole might be a little weirded out at first, as most kids tend to do if their father had a beard or longer hair, but he'd be able to deal with it. He just hated how he was starting to heal from that part of himself, and now this possibility was dangled in front of him.
"What about you, Connor?" He looks back at him, the sides of his eyes reddish, but the blues of his iris still piercing into the android's own. "We're partners right now, but what happens if you come from a world where we end up fighting each other on two different sides? What happens if another of you shows up? What if I disappear and another Hank shows up? Or..."
What if we end up killing each other?
no subject
"Nothing will change the fact that you're my partner."
It's a quiet answer, almost uncertain, but there's a force of determination behind it that says at least his side of it is something he'd hold onto for as long as he could.
"Even if I turn out not to be your Connor... and even if he showed up, or if another version of you took your place here and hated me, it doesn't mean I could just... leave. You've done too much for me to just throw it all away."
There's the briefest flicker of red in the ring of light on his temple as he glances away, but the thought that remains unspoken but obvious between them passes quickly enough. He doesn't want to think about it, and he doesn't plan to.
"I'd hate it, if we were on opposite sides, but... that's something to deal with if it happens."
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He's not sure what he expected in an answer, but it's a lot more than he thought Connor would answer. If he pretended, he could almost imagine that it was the same one from the CyberLife tower. He almost sounded like a deviant.
Almost.
"..."
He doesn't say much of anything after that for a few minutes, thinking to himself, or the alcohol is finally catching up to him in full. When he looks at Connor again, he seems a little more numb than usual, but doesn't look as lost as he was just a few minutes ago.
"...I think the apple cider might be good about now."
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He gives the man a weak smile before getting to his feet. Whether it's meant to comfort Hank or reassure Connor himself is another matter.
"I'll only be a few minutes," he says, and he only pauses briefly before turning and exiting the room.
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What shitty life choices had lead him to drink, get turned into a living ice cub, then let out his grievances at an android who had a perfect memory and would not forget what he told him anytime soon.
Fuck.
"Shit...I really blew it..."