I...fuck...when we showed up here, I didn't know much about this place. Just that it wasn't home and it had shit like magic. But something was different for me, Connor. I'm....
[Seeing Connor retreat within himself hurts. What if what he says NOW changes something? Sets in motion something that can't be undone? No...he can't. It's not fair to THIS Connor. Even if this Connor might not be the Connor he knows. They might both wear the number 51, but...]
I'm not the Hank you...wait, wait no! Shit! What I mean is...I'm still Hank, but I might be from your future. Or what might BE your future. I was just afraid telling you when we showed up because I didn't know if telling you could change something we we returned home, and then when I found out we forget everything I just wasn't sure how to tell you...
[Even if THIS Connor is still a machine Hank can't look at him. All he sees is someone he saved a few weeks ago, who went to a party with him. He's been with THIS Connor for longer. Even if it may not be the Connor he knows, he is attached to him a lot more than he lets on.]
...but I think with Markus here, I can't keep this shit up. You're my partner, and you deserved better than my silence.
[So he was afraid that telling Connor something would... change the events of his time.
It wouldn't be... that significant of a problem, really. The optimal future would be: they solved the deviancy case, and Connor returned to CyberLife. Or... perhaps, in a particularly pleasant scenario, he would be reassigned to work with the Lieutenant indefinitely, after CyberLife confirmed his line's ability to work effectively with law enforcement. It was almost easy to imagine.
Neither of those futures would be likely to change, if he was told of them. It might have even been good to hear, if strange. But that's not what happened. There's more guilt behind this than those scenarios would bring about, surely.]
What aren't you telling me, Lieutenant?
[He must know what it is that happens, to make the deviant react to him as if he were a friend, to make Hank be this evasive. Every part of him needs it.]
...it is more than that, but I'm not sure you'll even fucking believe me.
[The weather around them gets worse. Every word Hank says is glacial at this point. The barb at Connor isn't because he doesn't have faith in him; even with this android, Hank would willingly go into a situation and trust with his life.
But how can a machine who has trouble handling magic be told what comes next? Hank doesn't know what to expect, and frankly, that frightens him. Clouds of doubt for behind him, but get frozen quickly and shatter to the ground. No he needs to stop this.]
Truth is, Connor...you do end up finding Jericho. You want to know what it is? It's where the deviants all lived and hid. Some of the deviants including Markus end up escaping after they get attacked...partly I bet because of what happened there with you, otherwise I don't know how the fuck they managed.
[He gets up and looks at him again. Maybe Connor would see it then. Hank has changed and not just because of this world. There's something different about him like he's woken up after a long sleep. And as Connor would quickly realize, there's no reason why he would lie with the words he says next, but believe it, as Hank had said just a few minutes ago, is something else entirely.]
It was the only logical option. With all the information he'd gotten from Markus, and what he's heard from Hank just now, it was the only thing that made any sense. No long game, no plans, no manipulation. Just the one thing that would mark him as a complete and utter failure, those four words: you become a deviant.
His LED cycles yellow into red, his mouth opening slightly as he stares at the man in front of him. Wood panels wither under his feet, flaking off as the smell of rotting plants and burning plastic comes to the air, harsh enough to even make the android want to cringe.]
I—
[He glances away only briefly, uncertainty showing for only a split second before he squares his jaw and faces Hank again. Denial is his only option.]
No.
[Whatever this man may think—and Hank had gotten it right the first time, he isn't the Hank Connor knows, he's been seeing something in Connor that isn't there, and how much has it affected their interactions? Had he only reacted so strongly to those wyverns because he thought Connor would be a deviant? Of course it makes sense, given that the Lieutenant hates machines but felt sympathy for those two at the Eden Club. This whole time... had he just been seeing that "future" Connor, the one that was an utter failure, instead of him?
It... hurts?
The horrid smell suddenly disappears, and the color blanks out of his LED entirely, leaving it a neutral white that's hard to look at. His face is impassive, but there's an intensity to it that speaks to the fact that he's not going to back down from this mindset so easily.]
I can see now we've both been working under mistaken assumptions.
[He hadn't expected the smell. It doesn't help that Sumo by now isn't just whining loudly, he's bawling into the air, making this entire encounter decidedly worse. Hank flinches backwards as he watches the led turn yellow and red...fuck if Connor only understood that this very reaction, this very act of how he was feeling was just proof that he'd get there some day.]
No?
[And then it stops. There's nothing in front of him but an unfeeling machine, or that's what Hank sees right now, as Sumo just whines quietly. The whiteness of the light is new, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what it means. And then Connor's words...each one couldn't have been worse than just tearing out his heart each time. Hank looks pained. Or a mixture of pained and angry. Maybe even some disappointment.]
Like fuck we have Connor! We're in a place that visually shows our emotions! [The room was rising in temperature now.] Are you going to tell me you didn't feel a smidgen of empathy for not killing those two girls at the Eden Club or the fucking fact you saved my life from the Wyverns?
[Connor raises his voice for the sake of being heard, to match the conversation—he's meant to adapt to human behavior, and he intends to be taken seriously. That's all.]
My actions in Shaarnath were in accordance with my current objective. In the absence of orders from CyberLife, my task is to ensure that you are able to return to Detroit none the worse for wear.
[Because he is a machine, and replaceable. The Lieutenant, as flawed as he is, is not replaceable, and is more likely to be debilitated by injury. It's simple logic.]
And regarding the deviants at the Eden Club, I made a mistake. I should have stopped them, and if I could go back and change it I would, regardless of whatever reason they may have given. A man died because a machine decided he should die.
[And letting them go—who knows what they might go on to do? It's too dangerous to have deviants go free, and he was a fool to hesitate.]
I am a machine, and I am not capable of feeling anything real, Lieutenant. I have no intention of assuming any malfunctions in my software are legitimate instructions to be considered.
[It is, admittedly, more than he would have said before. Before, it was machines don't feel anything; now, it's not capable of feeling anything real. He can't deny that he has felt something, even if he'd like to.]
[Strangely enough, the yelling gives him hope. He remembers when Connor screamed in panic at him coming out of Kamski's place, confused and unsure of himself. This might just be that.Then of course he realizes he's a fool.
It couldn't be that easy. Nothing in life is that fucking easy.]
Oh, so now you're telling me the only reason you chose to save my fucking life is you were playing the role of a bodyguard?
[He fumes in silence as Connor goes on. The heat around them increases almost to a dangerous amount. Hank doesn't seem to feel it, but his shirt echoes his feeling by most lines turning bright red; it would be comical if the situation wasn't so dire.]
How fucking dare you, Connor. An android minding her own goddamn business, forced to do a job that most humans look down when humans themselves are doing it was killed off just cause some sick pervert wanted to have a boner! He was going to kill her! You know what they were going to do to her! After what happened on the rooftop I had hoped...I had hoped I had somehow knocked some sense into you! You managed to slap some into me when you...
[He stops. Maybe it's the sound, constant hum of Sumo's whining that finally gets him to calm down as the temperature becomes normal again. He needs to stop playing the other's game. That's what Connor wants. He wants Hank to think of him as nothing more than a machine. But he can't.
He can't go back to that.
Bringing a hand to his forehead, he sighs.]
...You know what you told me Connor? That you can be anything I want. Well guess what...what I want is for you to figure out what the hell it is that YOU want. [As much as he loathed Kamski, the asshole had a point at that time.] Just be careful Connor, cause at one point your fucking logistic board or whatever the shit is in there is going to force a choice on you.
[It's not a conscious decision; in fact Hank has no idea it's happening. But this situation is causing his emotions and in turn his memories to go haywire. Connor would see something, memories cleaner and less static-filled than an android's. It happens in the span of a few seconds.
It starts with a vision of Hank locking away the gun he had kept on his table each night, the sounds in the back of the television report announcing that Jericho being attacked. There's the sound of the doorbell, and Connor smiling as Hank opens the door telling him it would be alright. The growl of Sumo alerting Hank that something was wrong, then the sudden feeling of the android's hands grabbing Hank's neck in a chock-hold, unable to speak, unable to scream, seeing the vision fade to black. Only briefly would his eyes dart to the android's number; instead of a 51, there is a 60.]
Are you going to keep protecting me so we can go home, Connor? Is that really all there is to you?
[The images come even faster now. Snippets that pass quickly without relenting, filling the android with senses he shouldn't even have.
A screaming voice - Connor's own, ordering him to hurry up before 'he' does it. Being pushed violently in rows of androids. Easy, fucking piece of shit. It sounds like Hank but different, how Hank hears himself. It skips again. There's another him in the sea of machines, holding up one of the android's hands, frozen into a deadlock with the other.
Sorry Connor...this bastard's your spittin' image...
A switch once more, like the scene was advanced by a VCR. The voice behind him screams; it sounds like his own again.
You friend's life is in your hands! Now it's time to decide what matters most; him, or the revolution?
Hank's anger at that moment can't even be described into words.
Forget about me, do what you have to do!
He's telling this to the other Connor in front that wears his number. It looks like it's trying not to worry. There's a pit in Hank's stomach.
How do I know you won't kill him?
A voice inside of Hank's mind desperately telling him not to fall for it.
I'll only do what is strictly necessary to accomplish my mission. It's up to you wither of not that includes killing this human...
Silence again between all three before 60 becomes impatient.
Enough talk! It's time for you to decide who you really are!
The visions stop as abruptly as they had begun. All that is left is darkness around them and Hanks voice.]
...Or are you going to have to kill me to continue your mission? I'm not going to stop believing in you. You fucking saved me, I'm going to fucking save you no matter what you think right now. You know why? Cause that's what partners do, Connor.
[Connor remains silent as Hank speaks, his jaw clenched and gaze unwavering.
As tempted as he is to shut Hank out from the amulets—his curiosity gets the better of him. He needs to know what happened, so he narrows it down, only letting things through with a heavy filter to block out any of those human emotions that feel bizarre but somehow so familiar. But when it's over, Connor slams the proverbial door shut on that telepathic connection, enough to let the man know he's rejecting it.
He puts Hank in danger, due to becoming a deviant. That's what happens when he disobeys—people get hurt. He cannot let that come to pass.
Quietly but seriously, he confronts Hank's question with his own.]
[Wtf is this AOL shutting door bullshit noise sound suddenly in his head. A mental slap isn't something Hank expected due to being unaware of his leaking memories, and he reels backwards briefly when it happens. He manages to stand straight and cross his arms. It's a tense situation for sure.]
[And if deviants get in the way of that, he will stop them. He was created by humans, and he will do what he was designed to do. He will do it because they have lives and actual feelings, because they mean something. A machine... has no right to disrupt that, even if a human may not treat it the right way.]
It does, you damn idiot. But if you do that, you're going to have to accept that my intention is to make sure you get to be something more than just what they wanted you to be. No matter how long it takes here.
[This Hank is different. He's a man who's refusing to see what's right in front of him, and instead allowing a fantasy to cloud his vision. It would have been nice to see Hank regain his faith in something, to hope for something, if it had been anything else.]
Then I'm going to have to disappoint you.
[With that, Connor considers the conversation over. Plus... he's got more than a few things to think about and consider. He turns to the door, sending a glance in Sumo's direction before he steps towards the exit, his movements as calculated as always.]
[Whatever Connor things the conversation over, it's only when Hank decides that it is. He can't help but yell out a fuck before sitting down on the couch again, giving Sumo a pet.]
...
[He probably shouldn't expect the android to come back...if at all. That's going to be weird.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Seeing Connor retreat within himself hurts. What if what he says NOW changes something? Sets in motion something that can't be undone? No...he can't. It's not fair to THIS Connor. Even if this Connor might not be the Connor he knows. They might both wear the number 51, but...]
I'm not the Hank you...wait, wait no! Shit! What I mean is...I'm still Hank, but I might be from your future. Or what might BE your future. I was just afraid telling you when we showed up because I didn't know if telling you could change something we we returned home, and then when I found out we forget everything I just wasn't sure how to tell you...
[Even if THIS Connor is still a machine Hank can't look at him. All he sees is someone he saved a few weeks ago, who went to a party with him. He's been with THIS Connor for longer. Even if it may not be the Connor he knows, he is attached to him a lot more than he lets on.]
...but I think with Markus here, I can't keep this shit up. You're my partner, and you deserved better than my silence.
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It wouldn't be... that significant of a problem, really. The optimal future would be: they solved the deviancy case, and Connor returned to CyberLife. Or... perhaps, in a particularly pleasant scenario, he would be reassigned to work with the Lieutenant indefinitely, after CyberLife confirmed his line's ability to work effectively with law enforcement. It was almost easy to imagine.
Neither of those futures would be likely to change, if he was told of them. It might have even been good to hear, if strange. But that's not what happened. There's more guilt behind this than those scenarios would bring about, surely.]
What aren't you telling me, Lieutenant?
[He must know what it is that happens, to make the deviant react to him as if he were a friend, to make Hank be this evasive. Every part of him needs it.]
It's more than just that.
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[The weather around them gets worse. Every word Hank says is glacial at this point. The barb at Connor isn't because he doesn't have faith in him; even with this android, Hank would willingly go into a situation and trust with his life.
But how can a machine who has trouble handling magic be told what comes next? Hank doesn't know what to expect, and frankly, that frightens him. Clouds of doubt for behind him, but get frozen quickly and shatter to the ground. No he needs to stop this.]
Truth is, Connor...you do end up finding Jericho. You want to know what it is? It's where the deviants all lived and hid. Some of the deviants including Markus end up escaping after they get attacked...partly I bet because of what happened there with you, otherwise I don't know how the fuck they managed.
[He gets up and looks at him again. Maybe Connor would see it then. Hank has changed and not just because of this world. There's something different about him like he's woken up after a long sleep. And as Connor would quickly realize, there's no reason why he would lie with the words he says next, but believe it, as Hank had said just a few minutes ago, is something else entirely.]
The place changes you. You become a deviant.
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It was the only logical option. With all the information he'd gotten from Markus, and what he's heard from Hank just now, it was the only thing that made any sense. No long game, no plans, no manipulation. Just the one thing that would mark him as a complete and utter failure, those four words: you become a deviant.
His LED cycles yellow into red, his mouth opening slightly as he stares at the man in front of him. Wood panels wither under his feet, flaking off as the smell of rotting plants and burning plastic comes to the air, harsh enough to even make the android want to cringe.]
I—
[He glances away only briefly, uncertainty showing for only a split second before he squares his jaw and faces Hank again. Denial is his only option.]
No.
[Whatever this man may think—and Hank had gotten it right the first time, he isn't the Hank Connor knows, he's been seeing something in Connor that isn't there, and how much has it affected their interactions? Had he only reacted so strongly to those wyverns because he thought Connor would be a deviant? Of course it makes sense, given that the Lieutenant hates machines but felt sympathy for those two at the Eden Club. This whole time... had he just been seeing that "future" Connor, the one that was an utter failure, instead of him?
It... hurts?The horrid smell suddenly disappears, and the color blanks out of his LED entirely, leaving it a neutral white that's hard to look at. His face is impassive, but there's an intensity to it that speaks to the fact that he's not going to back down from this mindset so easily.]
I can see now we've both been working under mistaken assumptions.
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No?
[And then it stops. There's nothing in front of him but an unfeeling machine, or that's what Hank sees right now, as Sumo just whines quietly. The whiteness of the light is new, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what it means. And then Connor's words...each one couldn't have been worse than just tearing out his heart each time. Hank looks pained. Or a mixture of pained and angry. Maybe even some disappointment.]
Like fuck we have Connor! We're in a place that visually shows our emotions! [The room was rising in temperature now.] Are you going to tell me you didn't feel a smidgen of empathy for not killing those two girls at the Eden Club or the fucking fact you saved my life from the Wyverns?
no subject
My actions in Shaarnath were in accordance with my current objective. In the absence of orders from CyberLife, my task is to ensure that you are able to return to Detroit none the worse for wear.
[Because he is a machine, and replaceable. The Lieutenant, as flawed as he is, is not replaceable, and is more likely to be debilitated by injury. It's simple logic.]
And regarding the deviants at the Eden Club, I made a mistake. I should have stopped them, and if I could go back and change it I would, regardless of whatever reason they may have given. A man died because a machine decided he should die.
[And letting them go—who knows what they might go on to do? It's too dangerous to have deviants go free, and he was a fool to hesitate.]
I am a machine, and I am not capable of feeling anything real, Lieutenant. I have no intention of assuming any malfunctions in my software are legitimate instructions to be considered.
[It is, admittedly, more than he would have said before. Before, it was machines don't feel anything; now, it's not capable of feeling anything real. He can't deny that he has felt something, even if he'd like to.]
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It couldn't be that easy. Nothing in life is that fucking easy.]
Oh, so now you're telling me the only reason you chose to save my fucking life is you were playing the role of a bodyguard?
[He fumes in silence as Connor goes on. The heat around them increases almost to a dangerous amount. Hank doesn't seem to feel it, but his shirt echoes his feeling by most lines turning bright red; it would be comical if the situation wasn't so dire.]
How fucking dare you, Connor. An android minding her own goddamn business, forced to do a job that most humans look down when humans themselves are doing it was killed off just cause some sick pervert wanted to have a boner! He was going to kill her! You know what they were going to do to her! After what happened on the rooftop I had hoped...I had hoped I had somehow knocked some sense into you! You managed to slap some into me when you...
[He stops. Maybe it's the sound, constant hum of Sumo's whining that finally gets him to calm down as the temperature becomes normal again. He needs to stop playing the other's game. That's what Connor wants. He wants Hank to think of him as nothing more than a machine. But he can't.
He can't go back to that.
Bringing a hand to his forehead, he sighs.]
...You know what you told me Connor? That you can be anything I want. Well guess what...what I want is for you to figure out what the hell it is that YOU want. [As much as he loathed Kamski, the asshole had a point at that time.] Just be careful Connor, cause at one point your fucking logistic board or whatever the shit is in there is going to force a choice on you.
[It's not a conscious decision; in fact Hank has no idea it's happening. But this situation is causing his emotions and in turn his memories to go haywire. Connor would see something, memories cleaner and less static-filled than an android's. It happens in the span of a few seconds.
It starts with a vision of Hank locking away the gun he had kept on his table each night, the sounds in the back of the television report announcing that Jericho being attacked. There's the sound of the doorbell, and Connor smiling as Hank opens the door telling him it would be alright. The growl of Sumo alerting Hank that something was wrong, then the sudden feeling of the android's hands grabbing Hank's neck in a chock-hold, unable to speak, unable to scream, seeing the vision fade to black. Only briefly would his eyes dart to the android's number; instead of a 51, there is a 60.]
Are you going to keep protecting me so we can go home, Connor? Is that really all there is to you?
[The images come even faster now. Snippets that pass quickly without relenting, filling the android with senses he shouldn't even have.
A screaming voice - Connor's own, ordering him to hurry up before 'he' does it. Being pushed violently in rows of androids. Easy, fucking piece of shit. It sounds like Hank but different, how Hank hears himself. It skips again. There's another him in the sea of machines, holding up one of the android's hands, frozen into a deadlock with the other.
Sorry Connor...this bastard's your spittin' image...
A switch once more, like the scene was advanced by a VCR. The voice behind him screams; it sounds like his own again.
You friend's life is in your hands! Now it's time to decide what matters most; him, or the revolution?
Hank's anger at that moment can't even be described into words.
Forget about me, do what you have to do!
He's telling this to the other Connor in front that wears his number. It looks like it's trying not to worry. There's a pit in Hank's stomach.
How do I know you won't kill him?
A voice inside of Hank's mind desperately telling him not to fall for it.
I'll only do what is strictly necessary to accomplish my mission. It's up to you wither of not that includes killing this human...
Silence again between all three before 60 becomes impatient.
Enough talk! It's time for you to decide who you really are!
The visions stop as abruptly as they had begun. All that is left is darkness around them and Hanks voice.]
...Or are you going to have to kill me to continue your mission? I'm not going to stop believing in you. You fucking saved me, I'm going to fucking save you no matter what you think right now. You know why? Cause that's what partners do, Connor.
no subject
As tempted as he is to shut Hank out from the amulets—his curiosity gets the better of him. He needs to know what happened, so he narrows it down, only letting things through with a heavy filter to block out any of those human emotions that feel bizarre but somehow so familiar. But when it's over, Connor slams the proverbial door shut on that telepathic connection, enough to let the man know he's rejecting it.
He puts Hank in danger, due to becoming a deviant. That's what happens when he disobeys—people get hurt. He cannot let that come to pass.
Quietly but seriously, he confronts Hank's question with his own.]
Do you plan on getting in my way, Lieutenant?
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Wtf is this AOL shutting door bullshit noise sound suddenly in his head. A mental slap isn't something Hank expected due to being unaware of his leaking memories, and he reels backwards briefly when it happens. He manages to stand straight and cross his arms. It's a tense situation for sure.]Not unless you plan on harming others, Connor.
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[And if deviants get in the way of that, he will stop them. He was created by humans, and he will do what he was designed to do. He will do it because they have lives and actual feelings, because they mean something. A machine... has no right to disrupt that, even if a human may not treat it the right way.]
I would hope that means something to you.
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[Fucking CyberLife.]
It does, you damn idiot. But if you do that, you're going to have to accept that my intention is to make sure you get to be something more than just what they wanted you to be. No matter how long it takes here.
[This Hank is different, but just as stubborn.]
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Then I'm going to have to disappoint you.
[With that, Connor considers the conversation over. Plus... he's got more than a few things to think about and consider. He turns to the door, sending a glance in Sumo's direction before he steps towards the exit, his movements as calculated as always.]
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[Whatever Connor things the conversation over, it's only when Hank decides that it is. He can't help but yell out a fuck before sitting down on the couch again, giving Sumo a pet.]
...
[He probably shouldn't expect the android to come back...if at all. That's going to be weird.]
Shit, I need a drink.