justamachine: (Default)
RK800 #313 248 317-51 [Connor] ([personal profile] justamachine) wrote2018-06-22 02:10 am
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Empatheias Inbox

[Any messages, packages, mail or closed threads for Connor can go here.]
fuckingpassw0rd: (25)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-27 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
The silence that follows Connor's words is not just due to Hank trying to keep his body from going into a state of shock, his rapid and raspy breathing echoing in the room. The state he's in oddly enough gives him more time to think about the android's words since he can't think about much else. Well, apart from how he really is going to be seriously sick as this continues, regretting even looking at the bottle in the first place, cursing himself for going through with it, hating how it had felt so much better when--ahh hell there he went again. He hated when the alcohol just kept throwing him in a loop.

Eventually a thought connects with Connor's mind, weak but laced with all of the lieutenant's usual bite;

...Must have been some damn fucking good pie if you're willing to stay.

Briefly there's a smile to his face, but it's quickly replaced by pain as his body continues to struggle with his life choices, stuck between being overly too warm on one side and too cold and freezing on the other.
Edited 2018-10-27 06:02 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (27)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-28 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
Connor...

Hank doesn't answer him with banter this time, as he attempts to move his body to adjust to some of the pain, but the effort is ultimately useless as he slumps back to the position he was in when the android put the blankets on top of him.

He wants to argue that the ice really isn't his problem, but both knows Connor would just disagree and also that truthfully, maybe if he starts to admit this to himself, it really is both their problem.

Yeah....it's fine....not like I can fucking move anyway...

And as Connor walks out, he'll get another small message;

Thanks.
Edited (I feel like the thanks sounded more sarcastic when it wasn't isolated) 2018-10-28 06:48 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (28)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-30 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
Hank wouldn't have seen much of it, opting to keep his eyes closed to stop the pulsating headache that was starting to build up now that he was getting a lot less cold and a lot more into alcoholic shock.

He did notice that Connor took a longer pause before returning at one point, but assumed it was just due to having to take care of larger chunks of ice outside. At some point he briefly stood up, but his spinning head won and he slammed right back into the forest of blankets.

What a fucking mess...

He only realizes that Connor is finally back when part of the bed moves downward as he sits down. He doesn't look at him directly either, slumped on the other side.

"Tried already...gimme a minute or two."

At least he's got his voice back. That's a start.
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (51)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-31 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
The groaning noise that escapes his lips sharply cuts against the brief silence between them. Connor would recognize it. The same noise had been uttered in his own car on their way to the Eden club.

"Think I've done enough drinking."

Is it a statement about today, a general promise or just the usual biting dark Hankish comedy banter? Maybe it's all three. Whatever it is, he puts a hand to his forehead massaging his temple.
fuckingpassw0rd: (42)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-01 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
He's not sure what to think of the hand on his shoulder. Mostly due to the fact that it briefly moves the bed, sending his head spinning again. He sounds absolutely defeated when he speaks like he's settled into his fate...at least for now. Maybe it's just the shame of what happened or the fear inside of him. He just wants this night to be over with, a terrible nightmare they will never speak of again.

"Sure uh...sure that might work."

He tries to get up again, but only gets halfway up, leaning on one side of the bed.

"Like...maybe some warm water."
fuckingpassw0rd: (16)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-05 07:41 am (UTC)(link)
He would have appreciated the help if he didn't feel like he didn't deserve it after what had just happened. He mutters a quick thanks before placing a hand on his head like it would magically be able to stop the pounding headache. It hurt too much for him to argue.

"Yeah...that'll be fine."

He briefly looks at Connor, but turns away again before the android looks back at him. He has to wonder if he's being nothing more than a crutch for him at this point.

"You don't...need to do it either...you know."
fuckingpassw0rd: (43)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-05 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
He's not sure if it's the booze or the headache causing this, but at that moment, he could almost blink and swear Connor is acting as emotional as any human would be. His nose is too clogged to smell anything, but more intricate snowflake-like ice structures appear on the bed, his breath visible as he breathes out.

Why didn't you talk to me?

He's not sure why that question hurts him so much. Maybe it's the failure he feels from it, or that he's frighteningly unsure how he can even begin to answer that.

"I...don't know," he admits. "Didn't think something like this would happen...felt like it was better to keep it to myself."

It's just excuses and he knows it.
fuckingpassw0rd: (16)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-06 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
"I..." He keeps opening his mouth and closing it like he wants to say something, but the knot in his stomach and the spinning sensation making it feel like he'll be constantly falling makes it hard to have cohesive thoughts worth the explanation to the android. He clutches the clothing on his chest and looks downward, unable to even look at the android in the eyes anymore.

"Connor...I don't...deserve this kindness." His voice is weak. He sounds tired, exasperated by both his own state of mind and the fact the android is willing to open up to him. He has so little self-worth that he doesn't feel like its worth Connor's effort to do anything for him. "It's hard to open up after...."

After Cole. After being unable to do anything. After being blamed in the heat of a shouting match for his son's death by his enraged ex-wife unable to deal with the loss of her son. After no one really took the time to see how he was doing, first because it felt more polite to let him grieve and deal with his separation, and then because who the fuck would ask Hank Anderson how he felt?

Connor was probably the first one in years to see Hank peel away enough of his gruff facade to leave a shell of a man who couldn't even quite believe in himself anymore.
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (64)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-09 07:40 am (UTC)(link)
He never did want to talk about Cole. It was the last thing he had desired in this world or the one back home. People had never really talked about him after he was dead. The only one who had was his ex-wife and it had lead to their divorce. Cole was a lot of pleasant memories, but they were constantly threatened being swallowed by his guilt at what had happened.

"He was...Cole would have loved you, Connor. He was always fascinated by androids. I waited too many years before having a child...I thought I had hit the jackpot when he was born. There's no...there's no way to properly describe holding something that you partly helped create." He looked sideways, his hands clasped together, knuckles already turning white from the pressure. "He slept most of his nights...he was already a model student in kindergarten. But then...but then..."

Connor's own voice echoes in the back of his mind, a memory that this Connor didn't have. It wasn't your fault lieutenant. Even with that he still had trouble accepting it. He lowered his entire body towards his hands, feeling the humidity of his eyes connect with them so that Connor couldn't see them.

"...my beautiful baby boy...he didn't deserve this...we were...going to pick up his mother from work. I'd give up everything to get him back...my own life...I'd willingly give up my own life so that he could live instead of me."
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (63)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-11 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
Honestly Hank would rather be alone in this moment, but considering everything that had happened and his own lingering headache, his choices of what he was saying, where he wanted to be and what he was actually doing weren't as controlled as they could be. His reaction to Connor's touch is to lean forward even more, but he doesn't tell him to stop touching him. It's not really the android's fault.

"I know he wouldn't!" he replies, rage briefly filling him before he rubs one hand over his eyes, sniffling loudly and using his sleeve to dry it. Christ, this was pathetic. "I know that too. You told me...you..."

He stops, realizing he can't tell Connor about what happens in his future. Or maybe just his possible future. He can't tell anymore. So Hank just rambles on instead. "He wouldn't want this I know...I've just...when I saw Simon I realized I might be able to see him here. Is it too much to wish for something like that?" He looks down at his hands again.

"What would he even think seeing me like this...I'm just an old, fucking grumpy asshole of a man now."
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (65)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-11 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
"..."

He was probably right. Hank knew that Cole might be a little weirded out at first, as most kids tend to do if their father had a beard or longer hair, but he'd be able to deal with it. He just hated how he was starting to heal from that part of himself, and now this possibility was dangled in front of him.

"What about you, Connor?" He looks back at him, the sides of his eyes reddish, but the blues of his iris still piercing into the android's own. "We're partners right now, but what happens if you come from a world where we end up fighting each other on two different sides? What happens if another of you shows up? What if I disappear and another Hank shows up? Or..."

What if we end up killing each other?
Edited 2018-11-11 04:16 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (43)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-11 06:05 am (UTC)(link)
"Something to deal with if it happens, huh..."

He's not sure what he expected in an answer, but it's a lot more than he thought Connor would answer. If he pretended, he could almost imagine that it was the same one from the CyberLife tower. He almost sounded like a deviant.

Almost.

"..."

He doesn't say much of anything after that for a few minutes, thinking to himself, or the alcohol is finally catching up to him in full. When he looks at Connor again, he seems a little more numb than usual, but doesn't look as lost as he was just a few minutes ago.

"...I think the apple cider might be good about now."
fuckingpassw0rd: (34)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-11 08:44 am (UTC)(link)
"...Sure," he replies a bit after Connor has left, after having wrapped him in what could just be easily considered a blanket burrito at this point. He wanted to call him back in and tell him that he had pulled too tight, but in the end just gave up, and threw himself backwards into the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.

What shitty life choices had lead him to drink, get turned into a living ice cub, then let out his grievances at an android who had a perfect memory and would not forget what he told him anytime soon.

Fuck.

"Shit...I really blew it..."