justamachine: (Default)
RK800 #313 248 317-51 [Connor] ([personal profile] justamachine) wrote2018-06-22 02:10 am
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Empatheias Inbox

[Any messages, packages, mail or closed threads for Connor can go here.]
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (61)

After the Simon Log | I keep taking over your inbox

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-22 05:20 am (UTC)(link)
To his credit, Hank had kept himself out abusing the bottle fairly well during his stay in Verens. Sure, he still had his vice; it was impossible for him to quit alcohol outright, nor was he looking to. Now it was more something to enjoy, maybe give him a little buzz, but nothing more. With a better hope for the future back home, and with everything that had happened the past few months here, one could say that Hank had no real reason to drink himself stupid. He had, well, arguably a much better life than back home.

Unfortunately it was far too easy to slip back into old habits when that balance had become threatened. He thought he was prepared for anything this world might throw at him, but perhaps he hadn't expected the real threat to come from another pocket of his world. The crash was inevitable after their talk with Simon. The damn alternate reality that proved to him that some of the choices he had made during those important three days could have far different outcomes. That began a series of questions in his mind. What more could be changed? What shitty decisions had caused the deaths of others?

It was a lot to take in. There were too many thoughts swimming in his mind for him to be able to come up for air in time, and so he turned to the one thing that was good for blocking the voices. He had felt a considerable amount of guilt doing so, knowing he might be failing in his own promise to keep it controlled, but that night he simply couldn't stop.

It was just a shot at first, while Connor was sleeping. Then another. And another, and another until he realized he was starring at the bottom of the bottle in horror. He had stood up to look outside, not realizing that his entire room was slowly becoming a freezer from his emotions as his breathing considerably increased. A few minutes more, and he felt his head spinning, before he somehow managed to lay on his bed, feeling the lure to close his eyes and fall asleep. He knew what type of sleep well, had become close friends with it for the past few years.

He knew this was a terrible thing, but at that moment, it felt oddly peaceful. He didn't even notice the ice growing around him, locking him in place.
Edited 2018-10-22 05:25 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (28)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-22 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Despite Connor's cries, Hank heard nothing. The silence of his ice prison enhanced by the alcohol was much like falling into a body of water. He knows he should be swimming, but the cold is quickly numbing every sensation he has, and he finds himself not caring. His breathing is getting slower to match the heartbeats, and the ice prison leaks out from the bed, spreading to the ground. Why would he care anyway? He was just Hank Anderson...not someone really important. He was old and grumpy and just a general mess of a man. His actions might have caused more harm than good. What if he had told Connor to let the android go instead of chasing it? What if they hadn't gone on the roof? What if Cole as alive in another world? If not, how did that change the revolution? Did his son need to die for this to all work?

He let the water take him, carry him downward into the cold, endless abyss. It was better that way...

Then something echoed in his ears, like a knock in slow motion. The million of thoughts about the feebility of his life became a single one in his mind;

What the fuck was that noise?
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=bungalows> (13)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-22 07:57 am (UTC)(link)
He tried to listen to the noise closer but it was a blur, making his head hurt. It felt like someone attempting to reach out for him above the waves of the abyssal water. Even if it was just a dream-like state, he Hank struck out his hand upwards, despite the pain screaming from his entire mind.

Connor?

It was hard to think...not just because of the alcohol damping everything, but also because of the thick wall of ice on him. Progress seemed to be coming, thankfully, as it began to crack, perhaps from the lieutenant's awakening. He tried to breath, but no one should wake up realizing they were buried in ice. His body was not made for it. There was panic as it continued to get worse, turning the bed into an icy tomb. Despite the light, why were some parts of it blue?

Fuck....

He was still thankfully alive. A lot worse for wear, but alive. Now he just needed to be able to breath properly, as the ice finally began to crack, echoing his desire to get out and forming into pieces that made it easier for him to kick with his legs. Using the last of his pent-up energy to finally breaking it in two, falling on both sides of the bed, leaving Hank looking like an even worst mess than when Connor had last seen him from over-drinking. He's freezing, tries to mouth a few words, but can't speak as hypothermia has started to set in, and his lips are blue.

I really.....really messed up....didn't I...
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (53)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-23 08:10 am (UTC)(link)
He almost wishes he was back into that ice cocoon and in the world of utter silence and darkness. That way, he wouldn't have to bother with realizing how pathetic he currently felt right now. He had failed. He had tried to keep it up, put a more positive facade to his life, but he had failed. In a world like this one, it had literally caused him to manifest ice around himself. How many others could be harm by his carelessness?

Talk about what?....d'you really want to know what I'm thinking right now?...you should get out of here... He sounds angry, but he's more annoyed with himself than Connor. Why would anyone want to bother with him? Shit my head...

When the blankets land on him, it was like something slamming into his body, but he's too cold to move, his only reaction a weak "urgh" before he mentally connects with Connor again.

The fuck just happened?

At least he's not completely gone.
Edited 2018-10-23 17:30 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (55)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-25 08:08 am (UTC)(link)
Just leave me alone...this ain't your problem, Connor.

However even from the 'sound' of his voice, he might be just trying to get the android to leave so he can feel sorry for himself in peace. The overbearingly painful headache and coldness is clouding his thoughts. The alcohol served as a catalyst for both of those, making him want to shut down again and be alone. It's a hard habit to shake of.

He does feel something moving on the bed when Connor sits on it, but his entire body is numb. It feels like the dentist froze every part of his body; he knows it's all there, but everything feels off. He just wishes he could do this alone. He doesn't want to worry the android for this. Even when the shaking starts, his body trying to get warm as the alcohol begins to wear off and he coughs, the smell of alcohol penetrating the entire room.

Fine. Whatever.

He eventually relents after a tense minute. He just absolutely loathes when people see him at his weakest, and this may be a new low for him. However the fact that drinking here can cause ice to encase him is terrifying and he realizes that for all his desire to die from before, he only had drunk to forget this time, not to kill himself. The thought causes him to briefly panic as he tries to keep himself calm, but it's pretty obvious to an observing eye that his heart rate is increasing as he gets a little bit warmer.

You should be sleeping at this hour, Connor.

Just trying to distract himself.
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (54)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-25 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I'll be fine! Why the fuck are you even bothering?

The heat is met with a similar reaction, Hank being used to going into a seething rage of his own when forced into a corner he can't back out. It makes it easier than feeling sorry for himself, and for a few seconds, an impressive amount of steam rises above the bed as he visibly flinches, hands into fists as his eyes opening briefly before they close again. Arguably, it is better than having his covers be wet from the ice and water, but it doesn't seem to do him much good, and leaves him drained, both physically and mentally.

Why the fuck are you even bothering? ...

The color gets drained from the covers as he repeats the question more weakly, although it sounds more like he's asking himself than Connor.
fuckingpassw0rd: (25)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-27 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
The silence that follows Connor's words is not just due to Hank trying to keep his body from going into a state of shock, his rapid and raspy breathing echoing in the room. The state he's in oddly enough gives him more time to think about the android's words since he can't think about much else. Well, apart from how he really is going to be seriously sick as this continues, regretting even looking at the bottle in the first place, cursing himself for going through with it, hating how it had felt so much better when--ahh hell there he went again. He hated when the alcohol just kept throwing him in a loop.

Eventually a thought connects with Connor's mind, weak but laced with all of the lieutenant's usual bite;

...Must have been some damn fucking good pie if you're willing to stay.

Briefly there's a smile to his face, but it's quickly replaced by pain as his body continues to struggle with his life choices, stuck between being overly too warm on one side and too cold and freezing on the other.
Edited 2018-10-27 06:02 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (27)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-28 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
Connor...

Hank doesn't answer him with banter this time, as he attempts to move his body to adjust to some of the pain, but the effort is ultimately useless as he slumps back to the position he was in when the android put the blankets on top of him.

He wants to argue that the ice really isn't his problem, but both knows Connor would just disagree and also that truthfully, maybe if he starts to admit this to himself, it really is both their problem.

Yeah....it's fine....not like I can fucking move anyway...

And as Connor walks out, he'll get another small message;

Thanks.
Edited (I feel like the thanks sounded more sarcastic when it wasn't isolated) 2018-10-28 06:48 (UTC)
fuckingpassw0rd: (28)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-30 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
Hank wouldn't have seen much of it, opting to keep his eyes closed to stop the pulsating headache that was starting to build up now that he was getting a lot less cold and a lot more into alcoholic shock.

He did notice that Connor took a longer pause before returning at one point, but assumed it was just due to having to take care of larger chunks of ice outside. At some point he briefly stood up, but his spinning head won and he slammed right back into the forest of blankets.

What a fucking mess...

He only realizes that Connor is finally back when part of the bed moves downward as he sits down. He doesn't look at him directly either, slumped on the other side.

"Tried already...gimme a minute or two."

At least he's got his voice back. That's a start.
fuckingpassw0rd: <user name=pixle> (51)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-10-31 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
The groaning noise that escapes his lips sharply cuts against the brief silence between them. Connor would recognize it. The same noise had been uttered in his own car on their way to the Eden club.

"Think I've done enough drinking."

Is it a statement about today, a general promise or just the usual biting dark Hankish comedy banter? Maybe it's all three. Whatever it is, he puts a hand to his forehead massaging his temple.
fuckingpassw0rd: (42)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-01 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
He's not sure what to think of the hand on his shoulder. Mostly due to the fact that it briefly moves the bed, sending his head spinning again. He sounds absolutely defeated when he speaks like he's settled into his fate...at least for now. Maybe it's just the shame of what happened or the fear inside of him. He just wants this night to be over with, a terrible nightmare they will never speak of again.

"Sure uh...sure that might work."

He tries to get up again, but only gets halfway up, leaning on one side of the bed.

"Like...maybe some warm water."
fuckingpassw0rd: (16)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-05 07:41 am (UTC)(link)
He would have appreciated the help if he didn't feel like he didn't deserve it after what had just happened. He mutters a quick thanks before placing a hand on his head like it would magically be able to stop the pounding headache. It hurt too much for him to argue.

"Yeah...that'll be fine."

He briefly looks at Connor, but turns away again before the android looks back at him. He has to wonder if he's being nothing more than a crutch for him at this point.

"You don't...need to do it either...you know."
fuckingpassw0rd: (43)

[personal profile] fuckingpassw0rd 2018-11-05 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
He's not sure if it's the booze or the headache causing this, but at that moment, he could almost blink and swear Connor is acting as emotional as any human would be. His nose is too clogged to smell anything, but more intricate snowflake-like ice structures appear on the bed, his breath visible as he breathes out.

Why didn't you talk to me?

He's not sure why that question hurts him so much. Maybe it's the failure he feels from it, or that he's frighteningly unsure how he can even begin to answer that.

"I...don't know," he admits. "Didn't think something like this would happen...felt like it was better to keep it to myself."

It's just excuses and he knows it.

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